Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Intense romance scene

This is a scene I wrote yesterday. I tried to create a intense, yet romantic scene. Please give me any feedback you can. Thank you.

Through the dark night sky a shinning Jade jewel attached to a necklace fell through the air. The jewel necklace crashed into the lake that created a ripple effect. Back on the grassy shore the girl, Mary held her hand just below her neck where the necklace once was. Her aqua oval eyes were filled with tears that over flooded onto her face.
Next to her was a sixteen-year-old boy that was only a year older than her, his name Samuel. He had his right arm extended out toward the lake and his head bowed. Samuel breathed heavily while every puff was filled in anger.
“How could you?” Mary cried. “How could you?!” Her tiny silk cheeks ran wet from the streams of tears that rolled down them to her chin. Mary’s light brown hair curled all the way down the back of her school uniform.
Samuel took a couple more breathes before he spoke. “Get over it. He’ll never come back no matter how long you hold onto that necklace.” Samuel gazed over to see Mary bend her feet up backward, taking off her shoes. After she took them off she started to run toward the water when Samuel grabbed her arm on the back swing. He pulled her back toward him, having her face him. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I don’t care what you say!” she yelled. “That necklace.” She paused for a moment then stared directly into his dark brown eyes. “That necklace is my whole life!”
Samuel brought himself closer to her. “Stop being stupid.”
Mary slapped him as hard as she could across the face with her free hand. She lowered her head to hide the new tears that fell from her eyes. “You, you nothing about me.”
“I know you’ve been in pain for the last year and a half,” he responded. Mary looked up to see that Samuel hadn’t moved his head since she slapped him. “You refuse to let anyone in even your parents. You can no longer see the beauty of the world around you.”
“What beauty is there?” she steamed.
“Look around you.”
Mary first looked toward the lake that glowed in the Luna light from the moon. Every single area sparkled like a brand new diamond. While she watched the lake in new amazement a small breeze walked across the land. She turned around. Rich grass spread across the area while the sky was filed with fireflies that danced for her amusement. Behind them were lovely painted trees that had blooming flowers that could be picked for a love one.
Mary finally forced her vision to the sky that was filled with only a bright full moon. She opened her mouth in awe. “I never knew it was this pretty out here.” Samuel took her other hand, spinning her back around to face him.
This time when she stared at him she saw a sad light in his eyes. His hair a gentle black that dropped down on all sides as if it just got out of the water without the wetness. He was muscularly fit and strong, opposite of her thin frame. Mary blinked a few times, knocking out the tears.
Samuel took one hand off her arm and putted his finger under Mary’s chin. “There is more beauty in this world than just him and his gifts.” Samuel leaned in and kissed her softly. They both let their eyes fall shut.

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